Looking forward, looking back

To use a cliche phrase, "Time flies" is an understatment in my present state. In a blinking of an eye, I've turned 30. Yes the big 30! And yet, at the age of my prime, I am hesitant to move forward. Why? Ironical actually.

I remembered when I was young, much younger. Perhaps in my single digits. One of the thrills in life then was to put on the glasses of your grandparents. Thinking that they look cool and made you look more mature. Nevermind that the high degree of the spectacles made you dizzy as you peered through those glasses. You would have to wonder, whether looking through the eyepiece gave you a glimpse of the future. But there was that eagerness, goal in life, to grow up as fast as you can.

Schooling days were even better... Especially in primary school. Being the youngest then (primary one) was the worse of all. You were the smallest and eveyone else was bigger than you. You make a vow to yourself that you want to grow up faster. You want to be the biggest in school. And when you finally reach Primary 6, there was a sense of acomplishment, a sigh of satisfaction, of relief. You were big brother. But only to be brought low once again when you entered Secondary school.

University was of course the climax of it (well at least for the education part) as the years go by, siganlling the start of work, earning a financial independance. Finally a metamorphosis occurs and behold, a young adult. The gravel road only begins and the journey a long one.

If processes and mental deductions were to work, then it would be natural to assume the pursuit of growing up should continue. But yet I find myself at the cross-road, looking back, no longer forward as a child. I wonder why. There is much to look forward to actually... marriage, starting a family, bringing up children, retiring and finally dying. Exciting no doubt, but I look back earnestly, wishing I could turn back time, that I could enjoy once again the freedom as a child.

So I ask why? I conclude, its the responsibilites that we take on that scares us.... but it is those that we take on that builds us up in character. Afraid to fail, but its only in failure can there be true success. There are going to be many more times when I'm gonna lament and wanting to look back, but I know that I need to look forward, to finish this race of life. And I want to finish strong as a winner of a crown that I am due.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (Paul of Tarsus)